Steve Eighinger

'Beauty fades, but dumb is forever' ... or so we are told

By Herald-Whig
Posted: Feb. 20, 2020 10:10 pm Updated: Feb. 20, 2020 10:15 pm

Normally, our "Morons of the Month" column tends to deal with specific acts of questionable behavior by questionable individuals.

This time, however, we're going to examine some entertaining thoughts connected with the aforementioned questionable behavior. The following reflections are from years, decades, even centuries ago, proving that moronic action is far from a modern-day phenomenon.

For example, English novelist Jane Austen dealt with life in the latter stages of the 18th century, and in "Pride and Prejudice," provided us with this thought:

"Mary wished to say something very sensible, but knew not how."

And that, friends, sets the stage for today's observations:

"Beauty fades, dumb is forever." — Judge Judy Sheindlin, "Beauty Fades, Dumb is Forever: The Making of a Happy Woman."

My thought: The obvious line here is this must deal with blondes, right? Don't worry, I'm not going there.

"Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives." — Irish poet and playwright Oscar Wilde, "The Picture of Dorian Gray."

My thought: I have said those same words — well, almost those same words — to my wife on numerous occasions.

"Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe." — Non-conformist musician Frank Zappa.

My thought: Look around. It's hard to dispute the words of the late, great Zappa.

"She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven." — Joan Rivers, comedian and former late-night TV host.

My thought: Admit it, we all know someone just like that.

"Human beings can always be relied upon to assert, with vigor, their God-given right to be stupid." — Dean Koontz, well-known American author.

My thought: Just turn on the television, sit back and listen.

"He knows so little and knows it so fluently." — Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist Ellen Glasgow.

My thought: Once again, just turn on the TV. There are way too many examples of this.

"Poverty is hereditary just like power, stupidity, and hemorrhoids." — African-born writer Fiston Mwanza Mujila.

My thought: Three, and possibly all four, can be pains in the butt.

"Remember, when you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It is only painful for others. The same applies when you are stupid." — Ricky Gervais, comedian, actor, writer, film producer and musician. (For the record, I'm pretty sure Gervais borrowed this quote from Philippe Geluck, a Belgian humorist.)

My thought: This may be the funniest — and most accurate — assessment of them all.